Overspill

I learned this year I can’t give from a cup half empty.

Half full, whatever way you want to look at it, I guess.

Any depletion, caused me to attract fragmented pieces, matching the incoherence I broadcasted myself.

I felt it’s time, to fill myself until I started to spill over, and then replenish,

over and over again.

Does it go against the way we’ve learned things should be?

Of course it does. But everything I’ve ever learned did not always work out.

So I instead, flipped it all top down; unlearning, questioning, starting with ‘here’.

And in the process I saw how I attracted, the past experiences, relationships and ‘things’ that didn’t fully resonate, not quite authentically, because they came to fill a void, not be a match.

We often think the world will fill the void and soothe us, and put an end to loneliness and hurt.

When boundaries, healthy expression and self mastery,

should be the place we start at least, then look to give.

I start right here, and learn how I want to be treated, how I replenish, feel appreciated and loved.

I give myself permission to take naps, make special blends of magic, eat chocolate if I damn so really want to, in mid day, and not spend time with those I felt I needed to impress, shrink for, or learn to walk on eggshells in their presence.

Family included, if it affects my peace.

I guess I can be seen as really selfish. Self centered, focused on just me.

In past years, that’s not the way I wanted to be seen. But now, I honestly, don’t mind.

I’ve cared what everyone else thought, for so so many years, that I would always end up hurting the one person I should have loved - you guessed it, me, that’s who I needed to ask, care for, and honor the utmost.

And when I do that, I show up for the world more clearly, and much more grounded, filled more gratitude and love and peace, a place from which I can keep overspilling, with all I truly want to give, also receive.

Now, wouldn’t that be more harmonic, if we all learned to first replenish, then fully give.